The New Trend: Bouncing Desks

Outsects and their Bouncing Desks
Outsects and their Bouncing Desks

Over recent years, standing desks have become increasingly popular. Well, now Outsects are promoting the health benefits of fresh air and thrilling exercise gained from the use of the bouncing desk.

The classic “Space Hopper”

Bouncing desks closely resemble the Space Hopper. The Bouncing Desk is weighted in such a way that it always lands the “right way up” thereby protecting the computer and screen. (Outsects recommend use of a wired mouse following complaints from dog walkers being hit by falling wireless mice.)

If you have a window with good egress, you can simply bounce out when you want fresh air. The best bounce can be achieved by bouncing from a decent height, and the top deck of a multi-storey car park can work well for bouncing purposes. Those with deep pockets can order the Bouncing Desk Cannon, a convenient method for shooting yourself skyward from the comfort of your garden or local park. There are rumors that Amazon will be selling Bouncing Desk Cannons with an accompanying smartphone app. The downloadable app will allow you to detonate the cannon yourself.


Invisible Outsects!

I recently downloaded a trial version of ToonBoom Harmony an animation program and set to work on animating Outsects. I drew the Outsects in black on a white background and added colored butterflies. When my masterpiece was complete, I exported the animation into a format that I could share with the world. It was converted to a Quicktime movie, and I was very pleased with myself until I viewed the final product. For some reason, the animation saved with a black background. As a result, you can’t see all the work I did on my Outsects! This is my very first attempt at animating Outsects (or anything else for that matter). You will just have to trust me when I say I had 102 Outsects running around waving butterfly nets!

Surfing Fiddlers

Outsect Surfing Fiddlers
The Surfing Fiddlers

Outsects tip their fiddles and synchronize surfboards to pay homage to Katsushika Hokusai and his woodblock print “The Great Wave off Kanagawa”.

Notes: This picture started out as a light pencil drawing followed by watercolor paint, and the lines were then picked out using pen and ink. In the original I painted the sky as an afterthought and promptly regretted the decision and put the picture out of sight. Recently, I retrieved the image and decided I still liked the idea of surfing fiddlers and opted to scan it. Once I had “the Surfing Fiddlers” in my computer, I removed the sky using Affinity Photo (an excellent alternative to Photoshop owned by the avaricious Adobe Company). Next, the surfboards were tweaked (in the original these were all a muddy flat orange). Using the “Flood Select Tool”, Affinity’s alternative to Photoshop’s “Magic Wand”, I removed the watercolor paint from the surfboards and then recolored them using the “Gradient Tool”. These changes helped to give a more 3D look to the surfboards, and now they look as though they are shiny and as we all know “shiny” things move fast.

Original Surfing Fiddlers
Original Surfing Fiddlers

OGTD = Outsects Getting Things Done

Outsect behind soap bubbles at the kitchen sink
OGTD: Washing the dishes

Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen inspired this picture. Getting Things Done (GTD) is something I strive for yet I remain a consistent underachiever in its fine arts. Hence the OGTD version: Outsects Getting Things Done. In OGTD, the practitioner leaves everything to the last minute, this focuses the mind while allowing inspiration to slowly simmer and bubble. In OGTD, undisciplined thoughts are given free rein; they wander down winding unproductive paths and permit the intrusion of innumerable frivolities and distractions. Once the alarm finally sounds the OGTD practitioner snaps to attention, gathers up their wool-gathering and lint collecting and applies their well-rested concentration to the task at hand.

A Chattering of Outsects

A Chattering of Outsects
A Chattering of Outsects

A Chattering of Outsects (otherwise known as an airborne Outsect Party).

Outsect Jet Pods are loosely based upon the Space Hopper. Unlike the Space Hopper, the Outsect version uses a small jet engine and shoots upwards. It is very likely that you have seen a partying group of Outsects on Jet Pods and assumed you were observing a flock of noisy birds. The Outsects use the collective term “Chattering” for any such airborne party.

The term is borrowed from feathery Chough parties “A group of choughs may be referred to fancifully or jocularly as a chattering or clattering.”

Hieroglyphic Outsects

Hieroglyphic Outsects – Evidence of Outsects discovered on an Egyptian tablet.

A tablet featuring hieroglyphics (possibly connected to the Greco-Roman mysteries) reveals evidence that Outsects made an early appearance around 360 BC. However, scholars note there are some oddities with the tablet which indicate the practice of early graffiti or time travel.